I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
