The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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