How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
