My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
MIDGETS
????
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize