bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
