Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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