We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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