that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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