All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
