Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
