the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
