i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize