I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
