is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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