She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
