I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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