so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
