But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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