I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i think i have two assholes
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
