I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She bit a glass in half.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
