They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
