man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
