My friends, they love my intelligence
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
