I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
