yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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