yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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