I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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