dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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