I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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