I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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