I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
