I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
