Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
