she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
please don't ironically join a cult
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