I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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