We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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