Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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