I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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