its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
