I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
