he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
