Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
