He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
