I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
