We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm at about main and main street
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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