just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
