saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize