According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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