And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
