My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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