i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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