Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
