a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
