I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
