The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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