Pants 0. Shit 1.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
