Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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