Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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