watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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