my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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