Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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