We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
