Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
