Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Sober January is a disaster.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
