She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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