the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
