I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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