Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
