I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
