He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
