turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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