so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
