I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize