The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
