So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize